Q: Hi Nedelle, I am going to try to be as honest as I can. I’m 20 years old, male, 5’-10,” racially ambiguous, the middle child, afraid of change, uncomfortable financially, a college student, sometimes grateful, an aspiring musician, and lonely. I feel as though my heart has been broken more than once, but I’ve never been in a relationship with a girl. I’ve never had sex with a girl. I’ve never kissed a girl. I would say I’m a late bloomer, but I don’t see any bloom in sight. When my friends started to make out with each other in junior high I was too scared to join in because I was afraid my parents might find out. At the start of high school I was debilitatingly shy to talk to anyone, let alone girls. These days I’m fairly comfortable in my skin.
Recently I’ve become more determined to overcome my deficit of physical love. I’m tempted, if I could even gather enough courage, to pursue casual hookups with strangers who don’t know my past. I understand that I would be using them, but at this point I don’t many other options. I understand how sad this is. I know it’s uncommon. I’m not embarrassed with being a virgin. I don’t really even want sex. I guess I’m just discontent with my inexperience. It makes me feel alone.How should I go about feeling less alone? Sincerely, xoxox
A: Hello! First off, we need to nix this negative Nellie attitude. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 18… It really doesn’t mean anything, it’s how you start acting henceforth! I know it’s easy to dwell on the past, and ponder the reasons you’ve become who you are in the present day, but it is just not serving you anymore. You are making really positive headway right now in your willingness to ‘join the club,’ so to speak, and in doing so, you have the possibility to diminish your feelings of alienation. So let’s focus on the future- a whole life of sex ahead of you!
Luckily, you happen to live in a day and age when casual hookups are not only accepted, but encouraged. There are apps for that! I would advise that you download some of these apps asap. Get rid of the guilt and start living it up, boy! It might be awkward at first, but after one or two encounters, your confidence will soar and your game will improve. Snowball effect, you feel me? I bet you some girls will even be into the fact that you’re inexperienced. We all have our fetishes. (I might add that my dad was a Catholic priest for so many years that by the time he left the order he was a 40 year old virgin! And he went on to score my mom, babe of all babes.)
Also, let’s not forget the fact that all this time you’ve spent ‘single’ has made you who you are- intelligent and sensitive, and I’m sure musically talented, and so much more! Being alone has infinite value, and you probably possess all sorts of skills and attributes that promiscuous people, or serial monogamists, for example, don’t. Also, start playing more music. That seems to make me happier. And as they say, when you’re happy, other people wanna get in your pants. Jk. I meant, other people want to be ‘around’ you. XO! Good luck!