Dear Advice From Paradise, I'm in a happy, healthy, long-term relationship, no kids, a couple wonderful cats. We respectfully agree on most things, however, I know that when our dear pet cats pass on (they're nearly 13, so I expect they'll be with us for several more years), my girl is adamant about having them turned into taxidermy! This absolutely horrifies and sickens me. What can I do or say to make her understand this cannot be an option? Thanks in advance. Sincerely, -Taxed by Taxidermy
Hello There, I feel like this is more of a question of aesthetics than ethics. If an animal lives out its natural life, then is it wrong to stuff it? Is taxidermy the equivalent of cremating a person? The whole idea is too creepy for my taste, but that’s just me. Another thing to consider is that by supporting the taxidermist you are inadvertently supporting the sport of hunting. If she doesn’t believe in hunting, maybe you can use that as an angle for your argument. Oh I have an idea! Maybe get them cremated and you can pour their ashes into ceramic urns that are custom-made to look like your cats! Or you can simply say, “I love you but this is a deal breaker. No way am I going to walk around our house and have Fluffy and Socks staring at me every step of the way.” (Is your girlfriend very artsy? Was she into that ‘Bodies’ exhibit that displayed dead humans? Is she gothic, worshipping the gods of Poe and David Lynch? Just kidding.) I just googled ‘human taxidermy’ and now I’ll never be the same. Thanks for the question!
“Books say: She did this because. Life says: She did this. Books are where things are explained to you; life is where things aren’t. I’m not surprised some people prefer books.”— Julian Barnes (via realizes)
Dear Nedelle, there is a guy that I've liked for a year now, but we're friends. We slept together twice and it was great- the second time was after a date we went on. After that, I invited him to an event and he declined and has since ignored me except for one night that he was drunk. Sex is a very personal and emotional thing for me especially with someone I care about. Now things are awkward between us. How should I approach this situation with someone I still have feelings for?
Hello Dear, I think you have to try and put him out of your mind completely- it’s the only way to maintain your dignity. Really, there’s never anything one can do to change the other’s feelings, so just be your awesome self and that’s all. Realize that he’s probably not ready to go beyond casual sex with anyone, for this reason or that. The cat and mouse game we call ‘attraction’ is so fun, and when it goes beyond that, i.e. sex, it’s because no one’s considering the serious implications of the act. He wasn’t thinking, and that was part of the fun of it. For both of y’all. I’m not excusing him- maybe he should’ve been more trepidatious, out of respect. I’m just trying to acknowledge that these things are often messy… God, I wish there was a rule book. You could try and consider your experience with him a snapshot of that beautiful ‘moment’ before things get complicated. And that’s a pretty nice memory in it of itself. I’ve totally been in your situation before. When I’ve seen the person after the “fact” I try my hardest to play it cool to assuage the awkwardness. (Note: it’s very hard for me to play anything cool. Prolly didn’t work…) I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again - it’s better to be the vulnerable one. Hey, Kierkegaard said it better! “Love hopes all things and yet is never put to shame.” Edna St. Vincent Millay said it too; “I do not come by meekness; know that it is a proud surrender…” I really believe in the power of vulnerability. Of having an open heart in a cynical world. That’s something to be proud of. So with this new sense of pride, you now know that he’s a scrub, and you’re a queen. And the next time you come in contact with him, it’s like, “Oh, hi. What a pleasure to see you!”
Nedelle my girl, you got some weird HTML code showing up on the bottom of some of your posts. Don't know if you've noticed or if it's been brought to your attention. Stay fab. By the way, I think I'm gonna ask you for a bit of advice. Should I ask it here or Facebook (Do I add you?) or e-mail or whaaaat?
Hey! Good lookin’ out. I swear, finding the perfect tumblr “theme” will be the death of me. I need me a good graphic designer. Totally add me on FB, just cuz! But to ask me a question you can ask anonymously at advicefromparadise.com or email a longer question to email@example.com. Looking fwd to it! Xo
hey I was just listening to the soundcloud versions of Double Horizon/Psychic Returns and noticed they sound different from my version. Was the DL code from the 7" different versions to the soundcloud ones?
I think they’re the same mixes! Are we on the same page now? One little fact though, is that the mixes on the 7” itself are different from the album versions.
Q: Hey Ned,
A girl I have been spending a lot of time with lately told me that she wants to take mushrooms with me. She knows I have experimented with psychedelics and having never tripped on anything (she has just smoked weed) she thinks it is only fair that I let her experience psychedelics with me while I look after her during the trip. Normally I would be okay with this, but I feel like this girl isn’t in the right place in life at the moment to endure the potential pitfalls of a bad trip, which she would most certainly have due to many things I won’t go into. I don’t know how to tell her that without sounding terrible. I still want her in my life, but I don’t want to risk her mental health spiraling out of control on my watch. What is my best course of action here?
A: Hi! Here are some options for you (I’m a Libra and have a hard time committing to just one piece of advice :P)
You can give her just a tiny bit of mushrooms, since most people can handle a little, and then you can see how she reacts and determine whether she could handle more at a later time. Or you can add a sprinkling of molly to the mix! Keep her on the happy side, even if it’s chemically-induced.
Or you can tell her that you’re not ready to do that with her yet. It’s too soon. She’s kind of asking a lot of you, and by the looks of your email it doesn’t even seem like you’re “official.” Last option is to be completely truthful, and tell her that when people are going through a lot in life it’s a recipe for disaster, and you’re just looking out for her best interest. Because you care. Awwwww
Q: Hello AFP,
I just got out of a five year relationship. I feel like a used rug. Neither of us had been happy for a long time so it makes sense that we split up. Everyone tells me to go out and date so I do. Conversations are fun but at the end of the night I’m totally oblivious that so and so was interested in me or that the girl who just introduced herself to me wanted me to continue talking with her. New city full of strange loneliness. What should I do about Valentines Day?
A: I wouldn’t force the dating thing. I believe in the power of a good rebound, don’t get me wrong, but if you’re not feeling it, it can be a depressing experiment, and a waste of time. The thing about your question that confuses me though, is that you’re saying that maybe chicks dig you and you can’t pick up on it. Try operating under the assumption that they ALL like you! Maybe that’ll lead to something good. Or just stop thinking about girls for a second and focus on something else- be productive and proactive in other realms of your life.
Ultimately it is a positive thing that you had this break up, so buck up! Shampoo that rug! I try to avoid quotes, but maybe this is the cheesy, inspiring thing you need to hear right now. “After all, it’s in the deepest dungeons that the most beautiful dreams of freedom are dreamt.” - Friedrich Schiller. Keep dreaming!
(As for Valentine’s Day, frack that Hallmark holiday. Just think of it like it’s any other day.)
“I Love Thousands Every Summer” by Nedelle Torrisi. I’m sorry, but this song is very apropos! http://youtu.be/IXQKOYwXq_s
About one year out of college I got this job, and three weeks into it I met a really sweet and funny girl who was interning there for the summer. When she went off to finish college in another state, we kept the love alive by means of occasional visits and talking every day over the phone.
Then, I began to feel like she wanted me to change more than I could, like I wasn’t doing enough for her and for us. By this time I was employed by and working for the office’s company full-time, a point of contention between her and myself, as I had kept saying I wanted to find another line of work while in fact I stayed committed to the job I had. We broke up just after she graduated. I have chosen not to speak with her. I dated around for awhile but have largely given up.
I still work for the company. They provide me with stability and support and I really like my co-workers. However, with regards to love, I am hesitant to even look around let alone try hard with someone, as I did with my ex. I don’t care anymore.
Should I just date more, and try harder to find somebody? Should I try to find a new job and hold off on love until I do? I could also go back to school. Not keen on that idea but I know I could do it. Should I embrace what I’ve got? By the way, I love your music. Can’t wait to hear more of what you’re working on.
A: Sounds to me like you have a good thing going. I mean, I don’t know why you asked me if you should find another job. You like your job. Sure, if you have other interests that could eventually lead you away from it, you should pursue those. But you might be associating the failure of the relationship with the fact that you stayed at your job.
Just so you know, if you had suddenly become the CEO of Nitwit, the awesome new app, or grown a waxed mustache and opened a cafe with coffee made from the droppings of some exotic animal, your relationship still wouldn’t have lasted. It just wasn’t going to work out. You need to knock her off that pedestal if you want to move on. She was lame anyway. (I feel like it always helps to hear that, though I could be wrong.) As for dating more and trying harder to find someone, that’s a tough one. It’s up to you. Everyone who wants to find love is frustrated. That’s real. So you expend as much energy as you want. Some evenings you surf OK Cupid or go to a bar, and some nights you read a book. But don’t be hard on yourself for lack of trying. Most nights I just want to cuddle with my cat named B (for boyfriend.) That’s my problem…
Hi! Any advice on how to break up with a friend? I don't trust her because she's incredibly gossipy and bossy. I've stuck up for myself concerning her actions, but I'm still getting bad vibes. Her behavior also effects everyone when there is a group hang out, as I've noticed others act gossipy and mean around her to fit in. Sounds very high-school, but we're 30! What makes this a difficult situation is she has a wedding and bachelorette party coming up. Should I just "ghost" her? Help me please!
One things I’ve learned in life is that bossy bullies don’t change unless they get told they suck. Even if you don’t need your friend to hear that she is awful, and you don’t care if she changes, you should still stand up to her once and for all. It’s an epic move!
Like in my 7th grade creative writing class, there was this Latina girl with that dark, “real raisin” lipstick color, (she was super pretty, actually) who would come up to me every day and kick me out of my seat. No matter where I sat, I was sitting in her seat. How are you gonna act ‘hard’ in a creative writing class? Anyway, one day I decided I wasn’t going to move. As she approached, my heart was racing, and I was sure she was going to start a fight with me. I mean, isn’t that what she lived for?
But she just said “move” a couple of times, and I said “no” a couple of times, and it was over. From then on, I just had to deal with her dirty looks, and that was fine by me. So maybe it’s time to break up with this bully and feel that same sense of finality. You don’t have to be mean, but you don’t have to be nice, either. You could write a letter that explains that you don’t feel 100% comfortable around her. There’s just something off, and you wish her the best, but you ain’t going to her celebration.
My new year’s resolution is to channel the goddess Kali. When battling evil forces, Kali got so into the killing spree that she began destroying everything in sight. Well, that’s not my aim, per say, but the point lies in the focus she had on doing the right thing. So she got a little carried away. ‘Nice’ gets you nowhere. Nice is over. I’m done with nice. I’m sure it’d benefit us both to do more of what we want, and less of what is simply, nice. Good luck, lmk how it goes down!
This Beyonce shit is way outta control. I’m sorry, but I talk to some people and they seem brainwashed. She is not Mother Teresa, y’all. You are not going to be sexier for liking her. I love her voice and some of her songs, but shouldn’t the love stop here? There? Somewhere?!
I was just sitting, recollecting on 2013, and thought I’d write this little ditty on why celebrity worship is silly. And sorta pathetic. I know a lot of you are throwing tomatoes at me in your mind, but that’s just how I feel. And I like tomatoes, I’m Sicilian.
Sample the Challenger shuttle disaster in a new song? Genius.
Wear fur and suede the day after calling yourself vegan? Why not?
Obama didn’t clear Beyonce and Jay-Z’s trip to Cuba, though Jay-Z raps that he did. When asked about it Obama said “we have better things to do.” He also dissed Jay-Z jokingly, saying, “I got 99 Problems and Jay-Z is one of them” LOL
She got booted and banned from the Egyptian pyramids by an archaeologist for being rude, OMG
Posted barely-clothed pics of herself on tumblr along with a pic of her and Nelson Mandela. Two birds, people!