Q: I was in love with a girl for 2.5 years, I would have done anything for her. However, after the relationship went south, she broke up with me following a week long break, in a text message! Since being single, I haven’t had much luck with new found crushes.
Recently met this girl on FB, we talked for a while on there. Several days pass and I didn’t hear back, so I figured, fuck it I’ll say something. We talked again, and it was great before I knew it she was giving me bands to listen to (I’m a musician too, but haven’t been playing much lately…)
However, she has yet to talk to me first. That sends a signal to me, that perhaps she isn’t all that interested, and she is simply being nice.
My question is- am I wasting my time with her? Or, is she simply not sure what I am doing, and doesn’t see it yet? Also, do you have any advice for going out alone? I mean, good lord, a 24 year-old-guy drinking solo at a bar, that makes me look like an alcoholic!
A: Hi There- Firstly, your ex was so rude to breakup with you via text. If it was a real, functioning relationship for over two years, breaking up that way is unacceptable beyond belief. Sorry about that. Let’s move on, cuz she isn’t worth more than two sentences.
I think the only thing to do at this point is back off of the FB girl. She knows you’re interested. She’ll write to you if she wants to. I would advise that you focus on other things that make you happy, i.e. music! Duh. It’s a no-brainer. As everyone is well aware, rock star trumps all, as my friend Carolyn says. (She means, musician beats out artist, poet, writer, or actor in the great tarot deck of life.) Once you’re a banging musician again, the girls will flock. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage groupie behavior… Just pointing out one possible, albeit stereotypical outcome of playing music…
Also, playing music will land you in bars and around people, so no need to go to bars alone! Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Maybe FB girl will receive the good vibes you’re exuding from doing the thing you love, and write to you! But tread carefully if this happens. It’s always suspicious when someone suddenly resurfaces after a long absence. Right?
Good luck and lmk if you have any follow-up questions. I’m here for YOU.
“She has the voice of an angel” was whispered amongst the crowd more than a few times. Her nearly pitch-perfect, angelic voice was only trumped by her excellent projection while staying perfectly tight, landing on every note with the finesse of a butterfly and unleashing the power of a lioness upon belting select hard-to-hit notes.
Q: Dear Nedelle, I’m a thirty something guy who is only now starting to date for the first time. The impulse to date right now primarily comes from a desire to meet more people, gain experience, learn to hold intimacy with a loose but sensitive hand. Only two dates into my experiment I met a guy who I have a great time chatting with (our first two dates we talked until the bars kicked us out) who I find adorable (maybe not sexy?) and who doesn’t fit my pre-formed idea of “lover” or whatever. Go!
A: Hi! Consider yourself very lucky for a variety of reasons: You met someone you like right off the bat. That is truly a modern day miracle. Pre-formed ideas are so prudish, and need to go straight out the window. You should definitely explore this relationship.
Also, you’re lucky that you started dating at such a wise age. Hopefully you know yourself well by now, and can approach this new era of your life with an assuredness that you wouldn’t have if you were in your early-twenties. That’s the age in which you collect messy situations, awkward memories, and regret like mold to a sponge. Sure, those aren’t useless experiences, and if anything they could be considered necessary rites of passage, but don’t fear! Being an adult doesn’t make you exempt from all of the treacheries of dating. We’re all just poor little lab rats in an experiment conducted by a mad scientist named Lust. (Whoa, where’d that one come from?)
I digress. It sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Join some dating sites, get out there, and if it starts to feel tiring, leave it alone for a while. And please practice safe sex! Good luck and lots of love to you. XO Nedelle
Song recommendation: You’re Still a Young Man by Tower of Power
♥ Nedelle Torrisi is such a talented soul. She has made so much awesome music in her life, some of which is my favourite music ever, she is also the female voice that pops up throughout the Blood Orange album. This song (which I play the tiniest blink and you’ll miss it guitar work on) is from her newest incarnation, Paradise. It is taken from an album that was recorded and produced by the awesome Kenneth Gilmore (Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti) & features vocal contributions from Ramona Gonzales & someone who’s just made another incredible record, Julia Holter . Anyway, thought I’d share this awesome piece of music with everyone!
So. I met this wonderful girl through a website, we swapped numbers and set up a date. She seemed super into it for the first week or so. Then she texted me saying she just got serious with another guy, apologized, etc.
No big deal. I pull away and give her space, we grow apart. 7-8 months go by and out of the blue, she invites me to a party. I show up, she emphasizes how much she doesn’t have a boyfriend, we spend hours just talking, we get really deep into it, it goes really well.
A week or so later, I ask her to hang out again. She declines. Another week or so, I ask again. She accepts. But that day comes along and she cancels *ten* minutes before the time. I’m a bit fed up, and end up hanging with another friend.
Typing out this entire situation makes me feel like I’m an uncertain high school kid new to this whole thing, but I’ve been down this road before. So what’s your read? Do I gotta be more assertive? Be more clear about my intentions?
If you can make sense of all that and throw in some advice, that’d be great! Thanks, Nedelle!
A: Hey there.You said you’ve been down this road before- what happened the other times you were ‘on’ it? The past repeats itself, so they say. Maybe there’s something to be learned from looking back and reminiscing hard on past circumstances. What mistakes did you make? What mistakes do you think those girls made? Did you learn anything from them? Do we EVER LEARN? I ask myself.
I can’t remember where I heard this, but I remember someone saying that if you WANT a person, it is best to let them know in a very forthright way- this is the valiant move (one that can be executed by a man or woman) to show the person that you’re fighting for them. Otherwise, a crush can fade out, people can get distracted by all their other obligations or their other love interests…We’re so easily distracted, you know? Don’t take it personally. And in terms of efficacy, you may as well present some sort of bottom line, and if she’s unresponsive, you don’t waste any more time. Sure, this tactic eschews all the rules of ‘playing hard to get’ but in this situation, which seems like a lingering one, you’re better off knowing the truth. She could be living in that grey area where she thinks of you fondly and misses you sincerely at times, but doesn’t feel the need to seal the deal in any way, shape or form. If someone’s not 110% stoked on the other person, this waffling can cause a lot of trouble. Good luck man, let me know what transpires!
Song recommendation: George Benson, “Turn Your Love Around”