Hit the Road, Jack

Q: Hi Nedelle!

First off, I wanted to tell you that I really enjoyed your performances in Gainesville and Orlando! I’ve never heard your music up until then and I am now a big fan!

I have been dating this girl for about two years now. About a month ago, she decided to tell me that she wanted to break up with me, but that we would still have “benefits”. She is a bit younger than me and her reason behind it was that she thought it would be a good idea to explore our options, however; she also stated that she hopes that we end up together in the future.

Since then, we have continued to “hang out,” just not as often as we used to. I don’t think she is talking to anyone else in a serious manner, however; once in a while she will say weird things that’ll make me feel uncomfortable like “you should sleep with my roommate”.

I feel obligated to wait and be patient, but I don’t know if that is what’s best for me right now. Sometimes I feel like it would be nice to meet someone new, to see if we have better compatibility. I just don’t want to hurt her feelings, and I’m not sure if I want to let her go.

A:

Sounds to me like she is holding reigns, for real. There should be no consideration for hurting her feelings, when she is the one calling the shots. She should be congratulated for constructing such a perfectly win-win situation for herself. If you feel like this lady is holding you back in any way, you should break it off. You said yourself you would like to meet someone you’re more compatible with. Well, I do believe you have a “straggler relaysh” on your hands, and these stragglers tend to snaggle any potential of finding and falling for someone new.

And one more thing. Anyone who says they would like to “explore our options  but hopefully end up back together in the future” has no real desire to ever reunite. Sadly, and annoyingly, that is a tactic for letting someone go gently. So for the love of God (and yourself) pack those bags! Onwards and upwards!

Song Recommendation: Hit the Road Jack by Ray Charles

 

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Q: Hi Nedelle,

Around late 2013, two of my closest friends – we are all around our early 30’s – seemed to have had a change of heart about their adult lives and simply started acting like they were teenagers again. It seems that they have lost all interest for anything other than going out with people (at least) 10 years younger and posting selfies of themselves with dumb millennial hashtags. Obviously everyone has the right to chose their own adventure, but it’s really hard to witness two intelligent, accomplished, beautiful women start acting like Miley Cyrus. I miss them like hell all of the time. How to cope?

A: 

Firstly, I’m sorry you have to witness your friends regress like they are, but more importantly, congratulations for not following them! It’s quite possible that you respect yourself more than your gal-pals. This caustic culture feeds us absurd ideas, it’s like a constant flow of absurity, and it’s enough to frustrate any intelligent person. They may have gotten swayed in the wrong direction!

So! In the spirit of rejecting a world that dignifies and glorifies dumb things, I would suggest that you tighten up your friend game. If you have nothing in common with them anymore, and you sit around lamenting the “olden days” then it’s time to move on.

But! Hold the phone!! Sometimes a thirty-something year old feels the need to “hashtag.” Maybe they didn’t “hashtag” enough in their twenties! Can you find it in yourself to forgive them of their silly behavior?

I can relate to not wanting a life of bandage dresses and stilettos, but you also have to ask yourself- in what ways have you changed? Have you contributed to these relationships going wonky?

It really boils down to how important they are to you. If you wanna ride it out and wait for their next phase, then do it. And if you want to adjust your personality/habits/desires to suit them more, then that’s great. But if long for new friends, then it’s time to make the effort and find them!

GOOD LUCK BB

XO

Song Recommendation: Should I Stay or Should I Go by The Clash

Meat is Murder

Q: After seeing a recent selfie of yours in which you hashtagged “vegan” this question goes out to you and people in general. Say you’re the vegan/animal loving person and I’m a bumbling meat eater. Is that too strong of a quality for you to consider a dating or liking a person? Or is there enough good things in a person that you can live with it?

A: It is definitely a personal decision. I find it really attractive when someone is compassionate and loving towards animals. That said, if I meet a meat eater and he has incredible qualities, that’s a decision I have to make on a case-by-case basis. And if we date, I can’t help talking about how poorly we treat animals. Hopefully I do it in a tactful way and the person respects my viewpoint, and I’ll try and respect theirs, too. I sure wish everyone was an animal fanatic like me. It sure would make the dating world easier to navigate for EVERYONE! :)

Maybe if you found a vegan you really liked you would change lickety split, and never miss meat again. Anything can happen, and this idea isn’t so crazy…

Song Recommendation: Meat is Murder by The Smiths

Fears Be Gone!

Q: I’m 24 and I have feelings for a man who is 38. He has the most positive energy and the ability to light up a room and make everyone in it feel better. I haven’t approached him about these feelings because I’m scared. First of all (and probably most of all), I can’t imagine he’d be interested in me. I still feel like a kid learning to walk on my adult legs. I barely understand how to do my taxes. I’m still on my parents’ health insurance. He’s got a sense of purpose, and security, and a grounded reality. And then I’m also scared what it’d mean if he were interested in me. Would that point to some kind of emotional regression or midlife crisis? It’s like I’m damning myself either way.

I know my fears are somewhat sensible but I really like him and I think that I’m using rational excuses to talk myself out of it.

Am I crazy? Is age just a number? And if it is, how do I get over these fears that are holding me back?

A: I agree with you that you’re talking yourself out of it. Something to consider- your age difference is as innocuous as perceive it to be. I don’t think 24 and 38 are really that different. Sure, there are some things you have to work out in your life so you feel like a “fully-realized adult” (snooze!) but these aren’t necessarily deal-breakers. Here’s a good example: my parents have been together for 40+ years and they’re 15 years apart. They met right around your ages. It was nbd.
It could be argued that he should be the scared one, because you’re younger and more likely to flit away from him at some point, for some reason. (Not to fast forward in a doomy gloomy way.)

Also, there’s a chance he hasn’t shown interest in you because he’s intimidated by the age difference too!
Really, we need to see if there’s a connection between you two. A lot of things could be amiss, but that is always a risk when getting to know someone. The only thing to do now is ask him out! Or if you prefer, let it simmer a bit longer until you can get a read on if he’s crushing on you, too.
Good luck!!

Song Recommendation: My Autumn Done Come by Lee Hazlewood