Q: Can single straight guys truly be close friends with single straight girls? Or do they all want to sleep with their attractive female friends given the opportunity?
A: Hi! Full disclosure- I think it’s rare to have boy/girl friendships with no crushes/sexy intentions involved. However, I think if there are enough shared interests or a past history that acts as a foundation, then it’s totally possible. (That’s not to say the the ‘history’ never involved crushes/kisses/sex. But sometimes friendships endure.)
To answer your question I’ve devised an acronym that you can use: WWSBF which stands for “would we still be friends?” This is a question you can ask yourself in a pinch. For example, if you imagine one of you starting to date someone, ask yourself, WWSBF? If you imagine her telling you a story of hot sex she had last night, WWSBF? The point is, is your friendship based on something more substantial than a silly unrequited crush? God forbid you become a “hello m’lady”!! Check out this and take heed.
Song Recommendation: Waiting on a Friend by The Rolling Stones
Q: I’ve known this guy for a year and a half and OMG I can’t stop thinking about him! I’ve always liked him as a friend and quietly admired his humor, talent, and kindness. So initially I didn’t find him physically attractive but over the years I started to find him very much so. But when I see him in person I don’t feel anything special towards him which is weird. I’m confused… am I crushing on him or is it something else? Thanks
A: Hello! The most important thing to consider in this situation is how you feel when he’s in your presence. If it’s not ‘there’ when HE is there, then I’m sorry to say, we have a problemo. I’ve experienced a similar thing before, but I’ve also been on the opposite end, which is really bizarre. In one relationship I noticed that the person was thinking of me and diggin’ me hard when we were apart, but in-person he seemed irritable and not that into me. It was a real mindfuck. Eventually I learned that he just wasn’t in it to win it. In all honesty, if you’re not stoked about him at every moment- whether he’s there, not there, kind of there, across the room, inside of you, in your dreams, etc. then it’s not worth pursuing. Perhaps you’re crushing on him because there’s no one else currently blowing your mind. It’s a simple distraction. I think your efforts are better spent meeting new people and going out a lot. Keep this guy as a friend and a litmus test for the type of guy you want to eventually find and fall in love with.
ORRRRRRR take this alternate advice: make out with him once and see if your feelings change and/or intensify! Good luck!
Song Recommendation: Among Dreams by Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti