Dear Advice From Paradise,
There’s this cute guy that I work with. He has a girlfriend. We’re pretty close friends at this point, and hang out after work sometimes. In fact, he goes out a lot at night, and she’s never with him. Recently, one of his friends told me that he gets “close” to many girls, but never cheats or leaves his girlfriend. Why does he do this? Are they in love and that’s just their style? Why lead girls on and get close to them? It’s very confusing. Thanks!
There should be a word for this type of guy. How about “FBT”: “flirtatious, but taken.” No, wait! I’ve got it: “ASS,” for “always seems single.” Yeah, that’ll do for now.
I’d say one of two things is going on here. The first scenario is a somewhat mythical relationship archetype, I’ll call it “separate togetherness.” This is when a couple hardly ever needs to see each other to feel close. They go about their days and meet up solely for the overnight cuddle session, and maybe the rare weekend trip. Naysayers are always suspicious of this type of relationship, and think that this separateness signifies that something isn’t working. But who asked them?
The second scenario is of the worst-case variety, and it can only mean that our friend here is an ASS. He loves to flirt and get attention from women, but has no intentions of ever making a move. Why he stays with his girlfriend is a mystery. He is clearly distracted and disinterested, but maybe he likes the stability, or doesn’t want to hurt her, or is afraid of being single, or who knows? Determining which type of guy your friend is will be a difficult task. You could ask him, straight-up, or let some more time pass, which could reveal the answer to your question. Maybe it boils down to the classic When Harry Met Sally conversation: Can guys and girls really be “just friends?”
I have a question for you, too: What do you gain by being his friend? Is it worth it, or is it more frustrating than fun? Maybe that’s where your answer is hiding. Good luck!
Song recommendation: What Kind of Man Are You? by Ray Charles featuring Mary Ann Fisher